Final Fantasy: Things they could Say On Drugs
by Kayaka Letasuki
Summary: Well, the FF Gangs from 4 diff. FF games are basically ranting and raving about Nothing. This is the result of being obsessed with FF... o.O


Final Fantasy Follies: Round 1  
  
Dsicalimer: I do not own any of the Final Fantasy Characters or their personalities. Thank you.  
  
Zell: Hi! My name is Zell and I have a rare infatuation called monosynchronosisdyposites. If the word sounds tough, try giving yourself shots of it every day! **makes an insane face**  
  
Irvine: Ok, fine, I will confess. I was a member of the Dance! America Ballet Company for three years. But come on! That was like, when I was fourteen. I have matured since then!  
  
Quistis: Drugs, drugs, they're my friends, if the pot can't do it, the ecstasy can!  
  
Selphie: Hey! I was in Dance! America Ballet too! The only guy I saw there was-oh my, Irvy poo, were you the one who always insisted on wearing the tight-  
  
Irvine: Shut up!  
  
Selphie: heh, heh...tight pants....come to think of it....you had quite the PhD...  
  
Squall: Listen, the only reason I keep everything to myself is because in the end it feels so much better coming out my bum.  
  
Rinoa: I'm Rin, I'm stupid, I'm feeling kind of dorky! **giggles stupidly**  
  
Seifer: I'm........too sexy for the fat coat, too sexy for the fat coat baby, ye-ahhhhhhhh! **falls over in a drunken state**  
  
Laguna: I am not stupid! I know where we are going! **sweats bullets** Gees...It's this way, the port-a-john is THIS way!(I am going to crap myself any second....)  
  
Kiros: Last night........... I met a girl......... she-  
  
Ward: ....  
  
Kiros: She DID NOT look like me! Don't say that! I hate you, Ward, I hate you with a flaming passion!  
  
Zell: Passion?**begins dancing** ~I've got the passion......natural-hey, wait a sec, that makes NO SENSE..... isn't it urge?  
  
Irvine: Did somebody say urge? URGE? ~I've got the urge, natural botanicals, I've got the URGEEEEEEEEEEe to herbal.....Herbal in the shower, for another half an hour, I've got the urge!~  
  
Selphie: So what if I have the urge? Everyone has bowel syndrome...**cries** I hate you all!**runs into the other room**  
  
Squall: **singing** It's.........a.........beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for a neighbor. Won't you be? Won't you be? Won't you be.........my NEIGHBOR! **is throwing a ham over the fence into Seifers property.  
  
Seifer: What the hell? This isn't some f**king Ozzy show!**growls**  
  
Zell: My hat, it has three corners....... three corners has my hat..... and if it had not three corners..... it ....**belches** 'scuse....meeeeeee.......heheheeee! **takes out a small hat** Look! I found my F**king hat! HAHA! I won!  
  
Rinoa: Zell has beer! Zell has beer! Hehehe!**looks dumbfounded** What IS beer?  
  
Irvine: Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I am proud to say that I did NOT have anything to do with the crime that was committed. After all, would I ever sleep with Seifer? Come onnnnn...... I am not THAT gay.  
  
Seifer: What-eva! That's not what you said last week, ho!  
  
Irvine: What?! That was you?! I don't keep tabs! Ahhhhhhhhhhh......**cries and runs into the nearest bathroom**  
  
Laguna: Healing.............it's all about the...........sexual healing!!!!!!!!!!**waltzes around with a small toy soldier** Sexual........healing!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kiros: Okay, people, did you see that? Isn't Laguna a little....different? Yes, Squall, THAT kind of different.  
  
Cid: What the bloody hell is this?! **holds up a poster with a disturbing image on it** I am not a transvestite hooker!  
  
Edea: That is not true. Cid lies like the yella-belly sucka he is, de-ya!**giggles like a schoolgirl**  
  
Selphie: Before all the booze and drugs I was just your average porn star with forty STDs.  
  
Wakka: I would just like to know why I am here, AND why there is a picture of me under the 'Zell Dincht Hair fan club' sign.....  
  
Tidus: HAHAHAHAHA! You look like Zell...hehehehe. I pity da foo!**like Mr.T.**  
  
Rikku: Hey Lulu, where exactly do you KEEP the moogle doll when we aren't in battle?  
  
Lulu: Do you really want to know?  
  
Rikku: Um.....no. Yeah, that's right. NO! **belches** Ugh...hm.....tastes like-  
  
Yuna: Don't say chicken!  
  
Rikku: -breakfast. Why were you so worked up? Here's something for you, Yuna, my ass smells like chicken......sniff! **points to her bum**  
  
Irvine: I will! **raises hand giddily**  
  
Rikku: Pig. All men are pigs...well...**spots Zell** Maybe not ALL......**saunters over while swinging her arse.**  
  
Zell: Huh? **looks up** Ahhhhhhh.....**looks behind him, becomes confused** Me?**points to self urgently**  
  
Rikku: **nods** Mhm... Do you have a PhD?  
  
Irvine: She says I'M a pig?!  
  
Auron: You sick little shites. PhD... how immature.  
  
Laguna: Guess what! I just found out what a PhD is! It's a positively huge di-  
  
Jecht: Laguna Loire! We must be father figures to these young lads! (positively huge di-)  
  
Edea: That is quite enough! ** dances around to the beat of a different drum**  
  
Adel: Woman! I look like a ma-an! Duh duh duh duh duh duh DUH! **huggles him/herself**  
  
Cid Highwind: The F**k! Get your @$$ the f**k away from my f**king #$&@ #%%*^!   
  
Aeris: **while glancing at Cids arse** That's right...mhm..yes, I believe you...yup. **smiles happily into the camera** Oh yeah!  
  
Cloud: Um, what the hell happened to us?  
  
Tifa: WHOA! Look at the size of that blowhole! Um......never mind me...  
  
Squall: What the f**k? Why the hell are there so many people here? Like four f**king Final Fantasy casts all wandering around in my mind...  
  
Rinoa: I smell dead people! Wait, no, that's just the smell of my old PB+J sandwich in my underwear drawer.  
  
Selphie: We're all in Squalls mind?  
  
Steiner: PRINCESS?!  
  
Rinoa/Garnet: Yes????????  
  
Steiner: Ah!  
  
Seifer: Where is my lovely Magical lady?  
  
Lulu/Edea/Rinoa/Ultimecia/Adel: Mhm?  
  
Eiko: You dirty little poops! I cannot believe it! Why didn't anybody tell me there were so many hot men in these games?! **makes an evil face**  
  
Yuna: I like to eat my own flesh on occasion. Do you do that to? I think it tastes like a saltwater taffy.**giggles**  
  
Zell: **with hotdog in his mouth** Fleshhhhhhhh.........**gurgles** I am Hannibal Lecter. Here to kill you! Then, eat the skin off of your back because I used a newly sharpened razor blade...  
  
Tidus: Sick! Shut the f**k up, ho! **covers hisself with a box** Don't come near me, perv man!  
  
Amarant: They call me the Flaming Amarant. But, you know what? who gives a hot damn. Let's all rip off our clothes and run around like the nudists we are!  
  
Everyone else from FF 7-10: ?!?!?! O.o ...**pause** EW!  
  
Irvine: Hm, sounds like a good idea to me.. a nudist colony. **clicks fingers together** Yes, yes my precious... excellent.  
  
Laguna: WE..........ARE THE CHAMPIONS......MY FRIENDS! **grins** And remember kiddles, always wear your seatbelt when you are in a roller coaster. A roller coaster called life.  
  
Kiros: Eat your beef. Always remember to eat beef. Canned beef......ground chuck....  
  
Amarant: What? No callers? Gees... I'll have to do it all by myself...  
  
Eiko: Yeah, but you're the champion of that anyways.  
  
Everyone: EW!  
  
Seymour: Lady Yuna... come with me to my underground LAIRRRRRRRR...  
  
Yuna: Ew! No way, what do you think I am, a ho?  
  
Edea: Holy.....mother of all things unholy and naughty....  
  
Seymour: Huh? Yee haw.....! How you doin? **bares his pearly whites**  
  
Edea: Mhm......thats the stuff...  
  
Cid: Edea! What are you doing? I'M your husband! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! **rips his hair follicle out of place**  
  
Tidus: I was thinking.......  
  
Quistis: WHOO! Look guys, we have a thinker here!  
  
Tidus:.....That perhaps this whole infer-ff thing was a good idea... I mean, we get to know each other better...  
  
Zell/Laguna/Wakka/Vincent/Cid H.: "The.........More we get together, together, together, the more we get together the happier we'll beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  
  
Irvine: **to Selphie** Do you mind if I dump you for a new chica?  
  
Selphie: Who?!  
  
Irvy: Lulu..... man, she is ALL woman.......**smirks**  
  
Selphie: Fine! I dont care anymore! You can go and do yourself!  
  
Irvy: Been there, done that......  
  
Everyone: EW! **Pause** HAHA! You admitted to it, man!  
  
Eiko: **While latched onto Seymour and Cid H.** You make me feel like a whole new woman.....  
  
Dagger: You're only six!  
  
Eiko: So? Ive matured quickly. Seymour is bloody hot, eh?  
  
Tidus: I propose..  
  
  
  
Rinoa: **interrupting** YAY! HES PROPOSING TO ME!  
  
Tidus: Um, no. I propose a toast. To the stupidests motherfu*king @$$holes on the planet! **Points at Kuja and Seymour, who were having a menaicing laugh contest**  
  
Kuja: Eek! You can SEE me! Now what!?! **Shyly covers his..erm, area**  
  
Seymour: Kuja wears a LOINCLOTH!  
  
Kuja: so what are you saying? Im gay? I am no homosexual........Im.......uh.......  
  
Squall: heterosexually challenged......  
  
All: HAHA! SO TRUEEEEEE!!!!!!! 


End file.
